Billion Dollar Couple Divorce: What about the Children?

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Jeff and MacKenzie Bezos

The 55yrs old billionaire and owner of Amazon, Jeff Bezos, is divorcing his wife of 25yrs and mother of his 3 sons and an adopted daughter from China.

He is now in a relationship with a twice divorced woman and mother of 3, 49yrs old Lauren Sanchez, whom he met through her husband. Sanchez herself is ditching her husband of many years for Jeff and his billions.

Middle, Lauran Sanchez with Jeff Bezos to her left and her husband Patrick to her right

Social media is abuzz and experts are speculating breathlessly about how the billions will be split (137billion), and who gets what. Tabloids are spewing steamy headlines to make the most from the sordid affair. Yet, they skip the hard questions: what about the children?

Studies show that children are significantly affected by the parents’ divorce. The upheaval in their lives a serious and demands they be protected by the state.

Adult children of divorce are more likely than children raised in intact families to be fearful of intimacy, according to Judith Wallerstein. They are especially fearful of commitment, often remaining on the brink of marriage in cohabitation arrangements. Their thinking: “I don’t want to happen to me what happened to my parents.” If they do marry, they tend to fear and avoid having children. Their thinking: “I wouldn’t want to inflict on my kids what my parents inflicted on me.”

Most of them never saw their parents’ divorce coming. They remember that, as children, when they were enjoying themselves, their parents one day called them together and said, “We have something to tell you…” Now, as adults, when they are supposed to be enjoying themselves, they are waiting anxiously for the other shoe to drop.

By every measure of flourishing known to social science, children of divorce do noticeably poorer than children raised in intact families: higher incidence of school drop-out, drug use, sexual acting out and teen pregnancy, need for the mental health profession and for anti-depressants.

The Bezos Family

In a better world, the outcry and condemnation of this brazen disregard for the children’s welfare would have carried across the globe. As always the Catholic Church remains the sole voice of sanity in a deranged world, proclaiming boldly that divorce is immoral…because it introduces disorder into the family and into society. This disorder brings grave harm to the deserted spouse, to children traumatized by the separation of their parents and often torn between them, and because of its contagious effect which makes it truly a plague on society (CCC 2385).

One you-tuber commented, “Marriage is for suckers cucks and simps” and another wrote, “I’m not getting married until this freakshow stops!” While many scoff at women, calling them names like, witch, suckers and the likes. It is clear confirmation of the damage divorce does to the fabric of society and the psych of the youths.

In a world gone insane walking the cliff edge, marital vows are not worth the paper they are written on; promises are no longer meant to be kept; dishonor is honorable; serial polygamy is fashion. Truly, the words from W.B Yeats’ poem, the ‘Second Coming’ are prophetic for our world today, ‘Things fall apart, the centre cannot hold’. A sad prophesy of the future of our world, cut adrift from sense and reason, drifting aimlessly in uncharted waters of moral and marital relativism. Yet many call it progress.

But as St Josemaria, the founder of Opus Dei said, “I want you to think about how evil has prospered. All over this field of God, which is the world – Christ’s inheritance – there are weeds. Not just a few weeds: vast quantities of them! I want you to be aware of this, so that you may never be deceived by the myth of constant, irreversible progress. Understand what I mean: progress, when it is properly directed, is good, and God wants it. However, there is a kind of progress that blinds all sorts of people, who fail to see that in some areas mankind sometimes goes backwards and loses ground previously gained

Chinwuba Iyizoba

The Unhappy Millionaire: Richard Mason

Richard Mason the unhappy millionaire

Those who don’t believe that money doesn’t make you happy often hiss, “Let me have it and find out for myself,” when told about it. Perhaps this story of a man who had millions but lost health and family will convince the most virulent skeptic that there are things much more important than money. According to the dailymail.co.uk, Richard Mason, a multimillionaire and the founder of money market, a multi-million dollar company went for a medical check to discover the cause of his recurring ill health. He didn’t bargain for what he got. The doctor told him he had cystic fibrosis, a disease inherited from birth, and incurable. But worse, he told him that people who suffer from this ailment do not have children.

The millionaire shot back: ‘You must have got the diagnosis wrong because I’ve got three sons.’

The doctor looked at the nurse, as if to say, “How do we deal with this?” and turning to him said, “In this hospital, we manage 2000 men with your condition and none has children -well except for one who later discovered that his wife cheated on him.”

The doctors then advised Richard to speak with his wife.

Anxious and heart thumping, Richard texted Kate, his ex-wife and mother of his 3 sons, aged 23, 19 and 18. They had divorced 10 yrs earlier and though he had remarried, at 54, he hadn’t bothered to have any more children.

“Hi Kate, I have just  been diagnosed with cystic fibrosis, and can you believe, the doctor says that I am infertile from birth, please put me out of my misery and tell me they are wrong and our boys are my children.”

The reply wasn’t long in coming

“Hi Richard, I’m deeply sorry to hear about your diagnosis, but no matter what they say, the boys are your children.”

Still, suspicious Richard confided in his first son who called his Mom and she confessed to having affairs throughout her marriage, in hotels whenever she was on overnight business trips for the bank where she worked. She however flat out refused to name the father of the child.

Kate, Richard’s ex-wife admitted to adulterous affairs thought out her marriage to Richard but refuses to name the man

Left with a tons of money in his bank, bereft of everything worthwhile in life, family, his children and worst, the knowledge of having lived 21 yrs in a marriage that was a fraud. Richard recently admitted he had frequent thoughts of suicide. Life had lost all meaning.

The adulterous wife must have been desperate for children and sensing her husband’s shortcomings decided to try elsewhere. Richard may have been a negligent husband, hard as flint, an old miser who loves money above all. Furthermore, Richard divorced his adulterous wife even before he knew her to be one, love for his children notwithstanding.

Whatever be the case, we may be sure that in all the articles written about this disappointing union, no one talked about the couple’s relationship with God. I strongly suspect that, like in most western marriages, God didn’t play a very big role in this family. And I believe that vertical relationships helps horizontal relationship as many spiritual writers often contend. Vertical relationship with God helps our horizontal relationship with one another. And without the fear of God, man becomes squeezing, wrenching, grasping, scraping, clutching, covetous, old savage, secret and self contained, incapable of giving himself to another in sacrificial love. Hence the appalling divorce statics of western marriages, (about 50% percent of married couples in the United States divorce. The divorce rate for subsequent marriages is even higher, Luxembourg: 87%, Spain: 65%). I think this due to their hurling God out of their marriages, feet first.

The story is long, complicated, and heart breaking and gets quite out of breath by the time it gets to the murky fights over alimony and Richard’s desperate efforts to discover the identity of the man who slept with his wife for in this unfortunate marriage betrayal runs deep ( you can read the full article here). I will cut all that and by a short route bring us to my take: common necessaries and common comforts of life satisfied, money does not necessarily make us happier.

Chinwuba Iyizoba

This Baby is From God says a Mother Who Conceived in Rape

People believe that God’s love should shield from evil and injustice. That is understandable, but sometimes God allows evil, to test our love for him and so that a greater good may come.

This is far and away the most awesome article I have read for a while about human greatness and capacity to forgive. Do yourself a favor and read the whole article and watch the whole video, it is worth 20 mins of your time.
According to spuc.org.uk, a mother who became pregnant after being violently raped has said that her son is a gift from God. Speaking at a pro-life rally on Sunday, Jennifer Christie recounted how, while working away from home, she was violently assaulted on the way back to her hotel room. The attack left her with broken fingers and ribs, and the internal injuries were so severe she needed six major surgeries. She also suffered a bleed on the brain – which means she now has epilepsy. Six weeks later, she found out she was pregnant.

Jennifer had been living in an “unrecognizable world” of “darkness and pain”, but when she saw the baby’s heartbeat on the ultrasound, “for the first time since I had been raped, I felt that life inside me again…that little flicker on the screen was to me hope and joy and light.”

Her husband Jeff was immediately supportive of her need to give birth to the baby, telling her: “this is a gift. This baby is something beautiful out of something so terrible and so painful.”

The Christies’ testimony challenged the assumptions usually made about women who conceive babies through rape. Jennifer said: “People will tell you that a raped woman who conceives will feel rage and anger and disgust towards her baby, and I’ve spoken to hundreds and hundreds of women, and that is just not true.” When Jeff is asked how he can bring up a “rapist’s baby” as is own, he says: “My answer is, I don’t know what it’s like to raise a rapist’s child. Because I’m raising our child, and he’s been our child from the beginning.”

One of the main reasons people advise abortion for women in this awful situation is that the baby will be a reminder of the attack, and of the rapist. However, Jennifer says that no woman who has been raped is going to forget it, whether she has the baby or not. “When people ask me if he is a reminder, I tell them honestly…he is a reminder that good can come from evil, every time. He is a reminder that love is always stronger than hate. He is a reminder that love wins. He is a reminder that who we become as human beings is not determined by how we start.”

“We loved you louder.”
She said that when her son is older, they will tell him that he brought healing to the family. “We’re going to tell him that there were all these people screaming at us that you should not be here, that you are a child from rape, that you do not deserve to be here. And those voices were loud, but we loved you louder.”

Speaking to press, Jennifer said that she was not there to judge women, but to tell those who suffer in the same way she did that “the path to healing and wholeness is not found through more violence and trauma.”

The large crowd gathered outside Parliament to hear the Christies included former Prime Minister Lawrence Gonzi. Life Network Foundation chairperson Miriam Sciberas said that the March was an ideal opportunity to let politicians know that society wanted to protect the life of the unborn, and that life started from conception. The powerful testimony of Jennifer and Jeff Christie is sure to inspire pro-lifers in Malta and across the world.

Jennifer and her husband passed God’s test with flying colors, perfect in their response of self surrender and totally accepting the child from this great evil they have gained immense holiness in God’s sight and their blessings will be as uncountable as sands of the sea shore.

If you like this article please follow and subscribe to spuc.org.uk and consider supporting them with your donation. Thanks.

Chinwuba Iyizoba

Grandpa Paid to Abort Pretty Girl: Brooke Shields

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In a world gone mad, it’s not uncommon for parents to pay for their children to terminate an unwanted pregnancy. The recent revelation by superstar, Brooke Shields that her grandfather paid her mom to terminate her is insane.

According to Life news.com, Shields writes in her book that, when her mother became pregnant, her boyfriend did not appear ready to assume the role of father. He told his own Dad, who in turn, decided to convince her mother to “terminate the pregnancy.” Her grandfather explained to her mother how an out-of-wedlock birth could jeopardize her father’s standing on the “Social Registry.” Her granddad even went so far as to give her mother money for the abortion (This was pre-Roe v. Wade).
Instead of visiting an abortionist, her mother went to an antique store and used the money to buy a coffee table.

Shields remarks that the table ironically became a favorite of hers, which she used to pull herself up from the floor as a toddler.

She writes, “The table saved my life and helped me to stand.”

It is hard to imagine the pop culture landscape without Brooke Shields. To think someone of such beauty and grace could have had her life ended before birth is so mind-boggling. Shields is a mother herself, so an entire family could easily have been swept away if her mother had chosen to cave into pressure and abort.

How many stars have been lost to abortion? You might think it’s impossible to count, but actually the number is more than 56 million. For every child who is aborted is a star in God’s galaxy—every single life has value and dignity.

We now just have one more beautiful face to remember as we contemplate the thin line between life and death in our world today.

To every, parent or grandparent who has a granddaughter pregnant out of wedlock or a son who has got some girl pregnant out of wedlock: that, pregnancy… that child may be the greatest blessing and support in your old age. Help her keep it and find out.

Man Accused of Assault by Ex-girlfriend Saved by a Selfie!

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Bearing false witness against a neighbor is expressly condemned by Holy writ because of the grave consequences and injury to a good name. The saga that happened in Texas last week confirms the wisdom of Holy book in condemning this sin, and brings out in a graphic way the terrible consequences of calumny.

According to the Washington post, when 21-year-old Christopher Precopia met with a recruiter to enlist in the U.S. Army in October, he was rejected because of the violent offense for which he had been charged last year.

Precopia, of Williamson County, Tex., was arrested Sept. 22, 2017, after his ex-girlfriend told police that he’d broken into her home and assaulted her — using a box cutter to carve an “X” just below her neck, Texas ABC affiliate KVUE reported.

Except there was one problem: Precopia didn’t do it.

In oral and written statements to police, his accuser detailed how Precopia had forced his way into her home, pushing her to the ground before punching her in the face and slicing her with the box cutter.

That was news to Precopia.

He was given minimal information when police took him into custody, according to defense attorney Rick Flores.

When Precopia asked police why he was being arrested, Flores says police told his client, “Don’t act like you don’t know.”

And when police said they had a warrant for his arrest in Bell County, Flores said Precopia’s response was: “Where is Bell County?”

He was charged with burglary of a habitation with the intent to commit other crimes, a felony offense that carries the possibility of a life sentence.

“I had no idea who accused me of this; I had no idea why everything was happening,” Precopia told KVUE. “I was constantly fearful as to what could happen the next day . . . I was going to sleep hoping I wouldn’t wake up, just to get away from it.”

After he spent more than a day in jail, Precopia’s parents took out loans to post his $150,000 bond and pay for a lawyer in an effort to prove their son was innocent, Flores said.

As Precopia’s family worked to clear his name, his mother, Erin, realized she possessed a piece of evidence that could exonerate him: a selfie taken at 7:02 p.m. on Sept. 20, 2017, at the Renaissance Austin Hotel.

His accuser had told police that she was attacked by Precopia at 7:20 p.m. that same day in her Bell County home, nearly 70 miles away in Temple. Cellphone towers also helped pinpoint Precopia’s actual location, Flores said.

“He was very fortunate that she chose a date and time that he just happened to have a rock-solid alibi for,” Flores said. “He and I have talked many times about how lucky he is, whether you believe in a higher power or good old-fashioned luck.”

If his accuser had claimed that the attack had taken place the day before or after, Flores said, his client’s only excuse would have been that he was sitting at home watching TV — a much less convincing alibi.

The charge was dropped on June 21 after Flores took the evidence to the Bell County District Attorney’s Office, he said.

“We were able to corroborate the basis of what was presented to us, and in due course, we determined the proper action was to dismiss the charge, and that’s what we proceeded to do,” Bell County District Attorney Henry Garza said in an interview Thursday.

Garza added that the Bell County Attorney’s Office will ultimately determine if charges will be made against Precopia’s accuser for making a false statement. KVUE reported Tuesday that Precopia’s accuser has not been charged with a crime.

The Temple Police Department did not return a call Thursday afternoon requesting comment on the case.

Up until the charge was dropped, Flores said Precopia and his family were terrified for his future. While they are not planning any civil action against the police department, Flores said the family is exploring lawsuit against his accuser.

His accuser told police that the two had a “troubled” relationship in high school, which she cited as the reason she reported that Precopia assaulted her, according to KVUE. Flores said he had not spoken with the accuser and could not comment on this allegation.

“His entire family had trouble sleeping at night, wondering what was going to happen, if anyone would believe them, if there would be a trial, prison time or a life sentence,” Flores said, adding he doesn’t blame police for taking action on the accuser’s allegations.

“We’re more upset with this person that blatantly made up a lie and got him in this mess to begin with,” he said.

Even though Precopia’s name was cleared, he and his family now wonder how the accusation will impact him moving forward.

“While [his family] is happy it ended up with a dismissal, and that it will be expunged from his record, the damage is kind of done,” Flores said. “Nothing will ever be completely scrubbed from the Internet.”

Flores pointed to Precopia’s encounter with the Army recruiter as “a small example of how this will follow him around forever.”

He added that Precopia’s application to enlist is “currently being reviewed by someone higher up at the U.S. Army.”

This young man’s life was about to go south but for the hands of God or luck if you like. Yet many people aren’t that lucky and have had their good names irretrievably damaged by false accusations. So when next you hear someone bad-mouthing another without any evidence, please do not hesitate to shun that person and teach him that bearing false witness harms others.

Unplanned lives of Young people

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The movie of Abby Johnson’s book, Unplanned, will soon be out. In anticipation, I just finished reading the book a second time. Its a truly great read and I must confess, her recklessness youth is a reflection of the lives of many young people today.
From a good Christian family, yet she did all the wrong things. She dated and married a lowlife against her parents warnings, got pregnant, had an abortion, and flunked her grades at school.

Worse, in the middle of a divorce, she was hoodwinked into signing up as a volunteer for Planned Parenthood, that abortion giant that has wrecked so many lives. She began working there as an intern and went on to become the director of the clinic. She had a second abortion at this clinic, again, without telling her parents.

While working at the clinic, she drifted further away from God, slowly deadening her conscience. Soon her heart craved only money, sex, and power. She took as her role model, those classy female executives of Planned Parenthood, admiring their high heels and glossy looks.

Abby worked for six years at Planned Parenthood, a facilitated abortions for plenty of women, though she herself was not directly involved in the procedure.

Crashing down

Funny, but it was at the very height of her achievements that everything came crashing down.
One day, when a nurse assistant failed to turn up for work, Abby was asked to assist in an ultrasound guided abortion. She was to hold the probe so the abortionist could see and better position his instrument.
As she held the probe to the belly of a woman lying on a couch, her eyes fell on the image on the screen and she was transfixed.

She saw, as it were, for the first time, the humanity of the infant she was about to help exterminate. The perfectly formed baby was sleeping peacefully in its mothers womb, until the abortionist’s probe pierced the amniotic sack surrounding it, and the baby began fleeing for life.

Beam me up Scottie, the abortionist doctor chuckled, lightheartedly. He was calling for the suction pump to be turned on, and within seconds, the baby was torn to shreds and vanished from the screen.

Abby was stunned! She felt the ground pulled from under her feet. Her world was turned inside out.

But touchdown to real world was just beginning. In 2008, PlantParanthood was pushing for increase in their revenue to avert the impeding financial crises. Her boss ordered her to increase the number of abortions in her clinic. And if that wasn’t enough, rumors was making the rounds that Planned Parenthood was going full time into partial birth abortions, a red line Abby had sworn never to cross.

Abby tried to resist, and her relationship with her bosses deteriorated. Her life became miserable as the classy women she had so admired were now turning against her.

In what I call, the moment of truth, she looked out the window at the Coalition for life, a pro-life advocacy group that had been organizing prayer at the clinic’s fence every day since the clinic opened, trying to discourage women going in to get abortions.
Those people have been right all along, she realized. It was like a splash of cold water. She was on the wrong side of the fence.
She had set out wanting to help women, but look at where she had ended up.

These were the people truly helping women save their own lives and save the lives of their unborn babies.

Abby literally ran to the other side of the fence, into the welcoming arms of members of the Coalition for Life, who had been praying for her for many years.

Later on Abby would reflect on how much influence her previous abortions must have contributed to her blindness to the evil of abortion.

From that moment, she knew what she lives for: to save lives, and to expose the abortion giant, Planned Parenthood, for what it really is, and more important, to be the beacon of hope for the millions of young women who have had the tragedy abortion; having gone down that road, she knew best how to guide them towards forgiveness and reconciliation with God.
This was when authentic happiness begins for her at last.

But one might ask, how was it possible that with such a great Christian upbringing, Abbey went so dangerously wrong?

Well, as Bishop Barron says, “The greatest enemy of young people in the world is spiritual slot. ”

Many young people would spend countless hours researching the specs of the best smartphone to buy, making sure they get it right, but when it comes to their spiritual life, “What-everrr”, they say.
It seems the most important questions about life is less important than smartphones.

Yet, sooner or later, many young people face this same question like Abby Johnson, “What is my mission in this life?”
In the coming days in Rome, the Synod of Bishops are reflecting on Youth, faith and vocational discernment.

Besides asking the Holy Spirit to enlighten the Synod Fathers, every young man or woman should use this opportunity to meditate about their own path, because we all have a divine vocation, a reason why God brought us into this world, and it is in finding that mission, that purpose that we discover the meaning of our life, just like Abby Johnson did.

Faith is a powerful light, able to shed light on ones own future and to inspire desires of fulfillment. At that time in our lives, when maybe the certainties of childhood falter and also the light of faith may grow weak, just like it did for Abby Johnson, because of her mistaken choices, we are to remember the deepest truth about ourselves: that we are children of God, created out of love. He makes the most radical call: he calls each and every one of us to be fully happy at his side.

Again, what truly matters is that Abby Johnson finally discovered her true vocation in life this thanks God’s mercy

Abby’s story is a living proof that The Creator does not throw us into existence and then forgets about us: He who creates also loves and calls. Therefore, the discernment of ones own path must be enlightened by that faith in Gods love for us, for each one.

Just as Jesus spoke to Abby Do not be afraid to listen to the Spirit who suggests bold options of leaving Planned Parenthood, Jesus speaks to all young people, do not be afraid. Seek the good, follow the teachings of the Church, and live by faith.

The Pope wrote in his letter to the youth announcing this synod. Our personal search can give rise to a certain anxiety, because we feel the dizziness of freedom. Will I be happy? Will I have the strength? Will it be worthwhile committing oneself to it?
All these questions tormented Abby as she wrestled with her conscience, knowing what she must do.
Not even then does God leave her alone. He inspired her. He will inspire us if, we too know how to listen to Him. That is what we ask of Him every time we pray the most beautiful prayer: Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven: Thy will be done in me, in you, in each one of us.
As we think of so many young people who wish to second Gods plans, let us ask that they receive not only light to see their way, but also strength to want to follow the divine Will like Abby Johnson did.

It will be helpful if we realize that when He asks for something, He is actually offering a gift. We are not doing him a favor: it is God who enlightens our life, filling it with meaning.

After leaving Planned Parenthood, Abby found her true self, the cloud of sadness which surrounded her life suddenly lifted and she truly came alive. Many of her friends noticed it and told her, Abby, you look so happy, you are glowing.

What’s more, she is now more effective than ever, helping millions of people men and women. Her book is selling millions of copies and will soon be turned into a movie.

I hope, that reading this book, and perhaps later, watching this movie when it comes out, many young people and adults alike, understand that loving God, and wanting his will in our lives is not an obstacle to our own dreams, but their crowning. All desires, all projects, all loves can be part of Gods plans. As St. Josemaría, the founder of Opus Deiwould say, “Well-lived charity is already holiness.”
And Dolores Hart, a former movie star who became a nun said, “We are meant to serve God with the gifts He has given us. Sin is not so much doing something wrong; sin is not being true to who we are.”

Prior to bolting away from Planned Parenthood, Abby couldn’t pray, the emptiness in her soul was like a chasm, but as soon as she made that decision and left, her relationship with God grew in leaps and bounds. She began to see Jesus as a real person, who had given His life for her, and for whom she, must give her life, thus confirming what many Christian authors say, that the Christian life does not lead us to identify ourselves with an idea, but with a person: with Jesus Christ.

For young people as well as for everyone, an important way of growing in friendship with Christ is to ask this simple question often: Who is Jesus Christ for me? Is he my friend? Is our friendship deep and strong or is it broken?

Thus, they will discover the gifts the Lord has given them, gifts that are directly related to their true mission. They will know how to put themselves at the service of all persons without being deceived by lies like Abby Johnson was for a long stretch of her life, and will see more clearly the place God has entrusted them with in this world.

In a society that often thinks too much about comfort, faith helps us to look up and discover the true dimension of our own existence. If we are bearers of the Gospel, our passage through this world will be fruitful. I will finish with this quotation for John Paul II, Homily on Boston:
“Dear young people: do not be afraid of honest effort and honest work; do not be afraid of the truth. With Christ’s help, and through prayer, you can answer his call, resisting temptations and fads, and every form of mass manipulation. Open your hearts to the Christ of the Gospels — to his love and his truth and his joy. Do not go away sad!…
“Follow Christ! You who are married: share your love and your burdens with each other; respect the human dignity of your spouses; accept joyfully the life that God gives through you; make your marriage stable and secure for your children’s sake.
“Follow Christ! You who are single or who are preparing for marriage. Follow Christ! You who are young or old. Follow Christ! You who are sick or ageing; who are suffering or in pain. You who feel the need for healing, the need for love, the need for a friend — follow Christ!
“To all of you I extend — in the name of Christ — the call, the invitation, the plea: ‘Come and follow Me. ”

Watching Pornography will destroy you, says Ex porn star, Jennifer Lynn Case

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Jenni, thank you so much for allowing me to interview you.

You’re very welcome, anything I can do to help, it’s my pleasure.

How long have you been out of the porn industry now?

I officially left the entire sex industry about 3 years ago after coming to Christ and finding Shelley Lubben and the Pink Cross Foundation but I stopped actively doing porn in my late 20’s when I got married and had my son. I didn’t spend too much time doing porn but I used my porn title to sell myself more in other areas and it worked. I used my porn experience to promote myself as a dancer and a prostitute, etc.

Yes, because when you are in the porn industry, the clubs will promote you as a “feature dancer” and you can get more money that way.

Exactly!! I was only 20 when I moved to Hollywood to get into mainstream porn.

How old were you when you first started in the porn industry, and how long were you in for?

I was very young only barely 18 years old when I started doing porn and I would say I did it off and on for about 10 years. I really didn’t know how to take care of myself and it seemed to be an easy way to survive. I would say that I was in the sex industry for about 15 years. They love to prey on young girls who need money. They are very easy to take advantage of.

Approximately how many movies did you make?

I probably made about 20 movies not very many at all.

Would you mind describing how you got into porn? I know that no porn performer wakes up one day and randomly decides to get into porn. There is always something leading up to it. Can you just lay out for us the events leading up to your decision to enter the porn industry?

I started out by doing other things first like dancing in a nude bar, doing bachelor parties, and escorting. I needed the money and hadn’t finished school and was living on my own at that point. I started living that sex industry lifestyle so eventually someone suggested that I do porn and it sounded like it paid really well and it was legal so I decided to contact a local agent who got me started. The agent got me a scene in a cheap hotel in Denver and that’s how it all started. I had no idea what I was getting myself into at the time.

What do you remember the most about that first experience. Was it very traumatic for you?

That first experience was odd. I was bothered by the fact that my agent used forged documents that showed I had been tested for HIV and other STDs. I had never been tested. I also remember the porn star I was supposed to work with that day was there but she couldn’t do anything because of her health. Her insides were so damaged from porn. I thought it was going to be me and a woman – less threatening right? But these 2 guys joined in and I didn’t think they were going to do that I was supposed to act like it was NOT my first film ever but I think they could tell I was new. There were lots of red flags in the beginning there.

What about your childhood? I know a lot of girls in the industry have backgrounds of sexual abuse, rape, neglect, or some sort of trauma. Do you think any of the events in your childhood made you more susceptible to the idea of getting into porn?

I definitely think my childhood played a big part in me getting into porn, etc. My dad was never around much and my parents divorced when I was about 8. At 14 I ran away from home and eventually became a ward of the state and remained in and out of foster homes, group homes, institutions, and other places until I was 17. I ran away alot and spent time on the streets where it was easy for me to get into trouble and my life was never stable after that. I was also exposed to porn at a very young age and saw porn magazines many times as a child. I think alot of things things from my childhood set me up for a nice, long career in the sex industry.

You mention your dad not being around. I know that’s the case for most porn actresses. I know it was for me. What would you say your emotional state was like during your porn career?

It’s actually hard to remember alot of what happened since I have blocked most of it out. I think emotionally I was basically “not there” and I numbed myself with pot and alcohol and other things so I didn’t have to deal with my raw feelings. I found myself depressed and lonely quite a bit and my behavior was erratic and very self destructive. I look back now and see there was alot of anger and bitterness there as well. I was a real mess.

For a lot of us, drugs was a huge part of how we coped with being in that lifestyle. How did you cope mentally and emotionally with being in the porn industry?

I think it was all about numbing myself and finding any way to escape or “check out”. My drug of choice was mostly pot for many years but I got to be a pretty big drinker when I turned 21 while working in a topless bar. I also realized later on that sex was a drug for me as well and slept around alot even when I wasn’t working. The marijuana mixed with liquor and sex were a bad combination and left me feeling more empty, lonely and depressed afterwords. As a woman in that lifestyle, you find you never have to pay for drugs or alcohol etc. because someone was always there to provide those things for me. One thing I remember was trying to separate the real me from the porn star me. I became two people and turned it on and off when needed. My other personality “Veronica” was just a fake front to cover up and to protect the real me so I could get my job done. Veronica was very social and outgoing and bold, The real me, Jenni, not so much haha.

Jenni, a lot of people who watch porn believe that the women love what they are doing, and are simply acting out their fantasies. Is this REALLY the truth?

This is NOT the truth about porn, it is a lie. The women living that lie do not love it and if they say they love it, it’s a way they lie to themselves to make it seem better. When I did porn, I wanted it to be over as quickly as possible and it was all about the money for me. I thought I did what I had to do to survive at the moment. My fantasies usually consisted of living a normal life, I fantasized about what life would be like if I wasn’t stuck in that nightmare. When you watch porn, you are watching a lie that is made to destroy you.

Amen to that!!! When you were in porn, what was your opinion of the guys who watched porn – or even men in general?

I grew to hate men in general and had no respect for men who watched porn. I thought men were perverts and just wanted one thing from women period and they treated women horribly. I think of men differently now. I see them as victims of the porn industry as well. I know that men want what women want too, not sex but love. We all want love. We all have a void to fill but some people try to do that with porn. Some men pay a price for porn addiction by losing their families and jobs. It is so sad and tragic to me that porn destroys the people who make it and also the people to view it. That is clear to me now.

Ya, but when you are in the porn industry, you don’t really see it that way, do you? You basically don’t care about yourself or anyone else.

Totally. You don’t have any respect for yourself or the person you’re with. It’s all about money, and getting what you can from the other person. It’s all about survival. You go into the industry not caring about yourself, and the longer you stay in, the less you care about yourself.

I know I actually hated myself by the time I left. What was the breaking point for you? When did you decide that you finally had to break free from all of that?

It was not just one thing really that made me quit. Many things happened at once and I became severely broken. I was in and out of the sex industry for many years. I tried to get out many times before but I would always need the money and I didn’t know what else to do so I would go back to it. I finally hit bottom a few years ago. I lost everything and things were not going well anymore. I had enough of selling my body and soul and couldn’t take any of it anymore. I just gave up and didn’t know how I would survive, but I had no soul left to sell period. I was dead inside there was only one way to go and that was up. This was the lowest point in my life. I had a son at this point and wasn’t going to let it ruin his life as well. If I would have not been a mother, I may be dead. I think part of my motivation was wanting to be a good mother to him.

So, by this time, you pretty much determined to leave because you couldn’t take it anymore, but were there any fears?

It was very hard at first but it felt really good to just finally let go and be free from all of it. My only fear was being able to survive without the money. The money kept me hooked. I was worried how I could take care of myself and my child. But I decided I would rather be homeless than ever sell my self again. Once you let go of the money, it’s much easier to get out.

We both know that a lot of girls in the industry suffer from mental illness. I know that I myself suffered from serious depression, even after leaving the industry. How would you say your mental condition was upon leaving the porn industry?

I know now that after years of living that life, I was traumatized by it. It was like enduring many years of oppression and abuse of all kinds. When I left and got rid of the drugs, etc., my emotions were raw for the first time in years. Over the years, I suffered depression and anxiety among many other problems and had to have counseling and take medication. Anyone who enters into that and already has mental illness, it will only make it worse.

What about physical problems?

Over the years, I mostly had to deal with STDs. I had so many different infections all of the time. I left Hollywood because I became so ill from Chlamydia. My abdomen hurt so much I had to come back home. My insides had been so abused, that at one point, a doctor at Planned Parenthood brought a group of interns in to look at my damaged cervix! I knew that “business” was taking a toll on my body and it also ages you quickly.

How did you personally recover from your time in porn? Was it extremely difficult?

I feel like the only way I could recover from that is with God in my life. God gives me hope that I didn’t have before. The past few years have been hard but so worth it. Things that helped me have been constant support from others, prayer, God’s word, and lots of love. The most difficult things have been trying to break old habits and trying to have a “real job”. It’s all about learning to live a new way, a better way. I think my recovery is an ongoing thing and it takes alot of time. I was in for many years and there was alot of damage done. I know alot more about porn now than I ever did when I was doing it.

Do you feel that Christ had a significant part in your recovery?

I know Jesus was the only way I could get out and stay out for good! For once, I had hope. Jesus saved my life. His love is amazing and I had never experienced love like that before. It was so intense that it hurt sometimes. My mind is being renewed daily by Him. All of the lies that ruled my life are being replaced with the truth, God’s word. I had realized that God was my father and would take care of me. He started to fix things in me that were broken. I become stronger in my faith every day. I don’t think He is done yet. he is still working on me. I think I am a better mother now because of all of this too. I would not have done any of this if were not for my little boy. I want him to know the truth about porn and treat women with respect.

What about recovery? Do you feel like the hardest part is over, or do you still have a lot of healing to do?

I do think the hardest part is over but I still have healing to do and it will probably take the rest of my life. I have learned how to live a new way and I have been learning how God works. One of the most healing things for me is to help others affected by porn. Reaching out to others helps me heal. God’s love fills that void now. I told myself when I was trapped in porn, that if I ever got out (which I thought I never would) that I would try to help women out of that world. There was no help for women like me. I am passionate about it.

So, what do you see for yourself in the future? I know that you volunteer with the Pink Cross Foundation and reach out to other girls. Do you see yourself continuing down that path?

I definitely think that’s where God wants me, going back into that nightmare to help save people from it. When I see some of those girls, I see me at 18. There was no such thing as The Pink Cross when I did porn. I know that porn is a major problem and it seems not much is being done about it. I love The Pink Cross Foundation and will continue to work with them. There is a certain way to handle the porn issue and educating and informing everyone makes a difference. I also plan on moving from Colorado to California to help with the cause.

That is awesome, Jenni. If you could say one thing to the men who are reading this right now, what would that be?

Men, GOD LOVES YOU! I love you too and I will always pray for all of you, for the chains to be broken. You are a slave to porn much as much any porn star. If you are viewing porn or addicted to porn, you are trying to fill a void inside of you that only God can fill. Whenever you look at porn, you are making the void bigger, and you will destroy your life. It evil it is a drug and it is poison and a lie. If you think you can keep it in the dark, God will bring it out into the light to stop you and heal you. These women are precious and deserve to be loved just as much as you do. There is a real person on the other side of the images you are seeing, and you are destroying her life and the lives of her children. Every porno has somebody’s daughter in it. What if it were your little girl? You may actually be assisting in someone’s death! Male and female porn actors die all of the time from AIDS, drug overdoses, suicides, etc. Please stop looking at porn.

[Editor’s note:] If you need help to beat pornography addiction, please read: The Porn Circuit. It will help you understand how to overcome.

*First published on the website http://www.theporneffect.com

Jenni blogs at http://momentofclarityblog.blogspot.com/